My boyfriend thinks I am going to get raped because I am too friendly?

Posted by admin on 05/10/2011

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Q&A: My boyfriend thinks I am going to get raped because I am too friendly?
I am not a tease, nor am I a flirt. I am just friendly, and my friendliness applies with everyone. Friendly in a sense where, if you come to me and want a conversation, i will give you all of my attention, I will engage in the discussion with you, be attentive, active, I will possibly laugh and show that i enjoy your time and your presence, especially if it such a fruitful discussion.

But the problem is, that my boyfriend, thinks that I am ‘too friendly’. I was a little confused with what he meant. I was hurt especially, when he had told me “You need to stop being friendly with people. You will get raped, men will want to rape you. So stop.” I have never ever heard him say anything like that before. Ever. He is not the controlling type either, so what he said was a little alarming. Not even when we were friends! I asked him to clarify, I was literally speechless (first time, I am NEVER speechless) He says “You are always so happy, always smiling, people will take advantage of that. And you flirt with guys, I dont know if you are aware.” I asked him “How do i flirt with guys?” He says, “You play with your hair a lot, you give them that daze. Its hard to describe but it’s not appropriate” I said “What? Am I touching strangers? I don’t flirt with guys, or girls. I am just a friendly person. How does that automatically make me suscpetible to being raped? I am cautious and I know when I am in the presence of a threat or danger.” He is underestimating me. But, another issue is, I can be friendly – aka show interest in what someone says, and they autotmatically think that I am interested romantically.

Does my boyfriend have a point? AM I too ‘friendly’? I mean, on the train I am often to myself, but if someone smiles at me, I will smile back. Thats just how I am. Or maybe I am not seeing what he sees? He also has a habit of being infuriating in a sense that just because I am much smaller than he (I am 5’1 1/2″ and he is around 6’0-6’1″), he thinks it is his obligation to protect me from all living things. Even when its totally unwarranted.I appreciate it, but it makes me feel inferior.

What do you guys think, does he possibly see something I am not aware of?
@ Damien LOL! Yes, that is true. I am very blunt. But I can be very friendly at the same time. It kind of hurts that he thinks that way though. :/
@ Serena, you take things too literally. I don’t like small talk, but I am naturally social. Its something I sometimes don’t understand about myself either. I dislike small talk, but i can’t necessarily ‘help’ being friendly to people. How can I dislike people yet be so drawn to them? Does that help you out a bit? Or do you possibly want me to write you my autobiography ?

The answer in the following:

Answer by Edward Lee
maybe he woory about you,because he love you very much

Answer by Damien
I don’t think you will have a problem, because you come off as more blunt than friendly to me. But I still think you are nice.

Answer by J
you’re NOT going to get raped unless you lead someone on.
or if you’re in the wrong place in the wrong time.

i think he’s just jealous of attention other people are receiving from you, there is no such thing as being too friendly.

Answer by webjnke1
He’s just being protective. But I don’t think being friendly leads to rape. A lot of times, a girl is just walking alone or minding her own business, and still gets raped.

Answer by kaygee809
he is going a bit overboard. but to you ill say this:
be friendly but also combine it with being aware. do not trust anybody that has not earned your trust. rape will turn your world upside down so try not to give anyone that opportunity. take precautions on your end. just because you are friendly does not mean that somebody will attack you. thats just crazy!! BUT___ if you open up the door__ and somebody with that type of sick mind approaches it he WILL walk in. do you catch my drift? always be aware of your surroundings and take precautions.

Answer by QuestingBeast
There are many people who believe that you can do things to change the likelihood of getting raped, but the truth of the matter is that people get raped regardless of what they wear, how they act, where they are, who they are with, how prepared they are, or when they go out. Rape happens just as frequently, if not more so, in countries where women show no skin and can’t go anywhere without a male relative. Thinking that it’s a person’s behaviour that gets them raped is victim-blaming, plain and simple. It’s casting the victim as the one at fault and saying that the attacker was not responsible for their own actions. And it’s complete and utter nonsense. People like to blame the victim, but it doesn’t make it true. It just heaps injult upon injury and creates a repressive, hostile atmosphere.

Make sure to tell your boyfriend this. If he insists, it’s possible he’s just using the rape card to control and oppress you. That’s a class-1 indicator of an abusive relationship, and you should not stand for it. You deserve better than that!

Answer by Serena
“I am not a tease, nor am I a flirt. I am just friendly, and my friendliness applies with everyone. Friendly in a sense where, if you come to me and want a conversation, i will give you all of my attention, I will engage in the discussion with you, be attentive, active, I will possibly laugh and show that i enjoy your time and your presence, especially if it such a fruitful discussion.”

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AhLUqxRHvPFE3d7zBjD7lhUjzKIX;_ylv=3?qid=20110506112025AAZu64D

“How do you handle smalltalk?”

“I don’t like it. I am confused to why and how people think it is okay to have small talk with me.
But, I am social despite being introverted, so I can’t help but to chat back. Its impolite not to. I still loathe small talk in general. But hey! Be fortunate that someone finds you interesting enough to have any level of conversation with you. Right?”

Are you a clone, or a troll who is struggling to choose a personality? I’m confused.

Answer by TS
I have l learned that too much of anything is bad for you. Even being “too friendly”. I agree more with your boyfriend. I know someone exactly like this. Its not so much you will get raped, but its vulnerable positions you are putting yourself in. A lot of men can and will exploit your friendliness to put you in a vulnerable position. Something you might can`t get out of. Men knowing in dealing with men that sometimes your ass (fist) may have to get you out of something that your mouth got you in. With women dealing with men your a$$ can you into something where your mouth can`t get you out of. We do live in a crazy world. Better safe than sorry, for all it takes is 1.

Answer by Mona Black
Nobody wants to rape you. Trust me.

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